i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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