why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
