the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
