it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
handjob tips. give me some.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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