just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
