isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
