He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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