2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In America we eat man semen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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