he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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