bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
