Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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