i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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