do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
