hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
