awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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