Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
