My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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