Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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