I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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