My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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