I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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