My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this boner is exhausting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
