Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
