i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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