I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize