It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
