I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
