My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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