Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
