I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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