I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
