What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
