Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
