I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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