I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Betty ford says i'm here all night
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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