i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
