why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
