my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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