garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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