Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
