Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
