Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize