Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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