That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
