Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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