i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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