What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
