A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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