It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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