where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
