dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
