I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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