she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
