Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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