bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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