I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What a dumb baby whore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
