So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
