Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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