Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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