Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
