he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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