Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
