you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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