her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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