i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
