i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You've changed since you got that strap on
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
