how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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