im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
