you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
