I think I died a long time ago.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
