im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
