The beer is more important than you right now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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