I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
