She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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