i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
