I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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a search helicopter?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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