You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
